MR. PENIS ASKS FOR A RAISE

Dear Madam Manager,

I, am Mr. Penis, your longtime partner in the industry.

I hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor

I work at great depths

I plunge head-first into everything I do

I do not get weekends off

I work in a damp environment

I work in high temperatures

My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Dear Mr. Penis,

I received your letter asking for a raise and the reasons you advanced are not convincing.

You do not work 8 hours straight

You fall asleep after brief work periods

You do not always follow the orders of the management team

You do not take initiative

You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift

You don't always observe necessary regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing

You are unable to work double shifts

You've been seen entering and leaving the workplace with two suspicious looking bags

Sincerely,

Madam Vangie

For The Management