FATHER’S
DAY MESSAGE
TEXT:
Hebrews 12:9-11; Proverbs 19:14
It is a common saying that
we have no choice in the selection of our parents. I am using the word parents
in the sense that persons must necessarily have fathers and mothers in the
biological sense. But the word parents may not necessarily refer only to
biological parents, since parenting has a far broader connotation. Adopting
parents may not be the biological parents of their adopted child, yet they are still parents in
the real and legal sense of the word.
The subject of our
meditation this Sunday, is about fathers, in celebration of Father’s Day. There
are good fathers, very good fathers, fairly good fathers and sad to say bad
ones.
I have lived with my father
for a greater part of my life, since birth and childhood, except for the number
of years when I left home to pursue an education, courtesy of my father. After
finishing school I worked and exercised my profession, and still lived with my
father, with free board and lodging. After I got married, I brought along my
wife and still lived in his house, and my father never complained. Whenever I
run short of money to fill up the feeding bottles of his “apos” (grandson) my father would happily oblige to provide the
infant formula. Now this gives you an idea what a parasite I am for a son. But
after all what are fathers for?
Society, and even Biblically
speaking, has typecast the father as the man of the house. We look with
disfavor at the sight of a man who is a bungling, inadequate, henpecked husband
and father. We expect fathers always to be in control of family matters and to
solve every problem. Fathers are supposed to earn a good living and provide a
good quality of life of their family. We see how fathers work hard and make
sacrifices to provide for their children and we can only imagine the countless
days, months and years they have worked for the sake of their families.
Sometimes fathers have to
pretend they know everything. Fathers are expected to be trouble shooters,
ready to fix anything that breaks down in the home. Fathers are supposed to
pretend they are emotionally strong and should be able to hide their most
sensitive feelings, so they appear as a
real men. Some fathers are embarrassed to show any emotion, so they struggle
not to cry or break down. Fathers could be proud and uncompromising. They find
it so low and demeaning to apologize to their wives or children even if they
are wrong.
Fathers are supposed to
display coolness or passivity even if he feels like crying, as he gives away
his daughter in marriage while his wife sobs beside him. After all, father
believes that only mothers cry during the wedding of their daughter.
Now this is typical old
fashioned father. I hope some fathers here do not fit the description but if
you do, do not worry you are in good company.
Let’s proceed to the more
serious part. The Book of Proverbs Chapter 19:14 says “ A father can give his
sons homes and riches but only the Lord can give them understanding wives.”
The significance of this
Proverb strikes us because we look at fathers as the provider and head of the
home and they are the persons sometimes difficult to understand. Some fathers are not expressive of their feelings,
and to paraphrase Proverbs while a father’s role is mainly as an economic
necessity, we thank God that he is given a wife who could understand him
better. Only mothers could figure out quite well fathers. Most children view
their father as an authority figure, and some fathers typically project an image of indifference to the simple mundane
affairs of child rearing and nurturing. Fathers are mainly perceived as
economic necessities and the responsibility of bringing up children rests upon
the mothers.
FATHERS
NEED TO COMMUNICATE
Deuteronomy
6:6-9
6
These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress
them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk
along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
There is a need to clarify
the father’s role. A father’s action could strongly influence his children. The
importance of developing close relationship between fathers and their children
should be taken seriously. Dr. James Dobson, a leading Christian Psychologist
and Christian family counselor said fathers should spend quality time with their
children and often talk to them sincerely, openly, and frankly. Fathers should
not only show their love and affection to their children through their actions,
they should also express it in words. There is no better way to communicate
your love to your children than to verbalize how you feel towards them and
express your understanding and appreciation of them. Communication with your
children should be maintained and cultivated. Deuteronomy commands fathers to
talk to their children about God’s Word. Talking to your son or daughter is a
heartwarming experience. Communication breaks all barriers of mistrust and
builds up trust and closeness. As a father you would be the first person to
whom your children would open up to or confide with if they have been used to
talking to you openly and candidly without hesitation, fear or timidity.
John Powell, well known
writer, a Catholic Priest of the Jesuit Order, in his book Love and
Communication wrote of his experience with his own father in this succinct and
poignant account, and let me quote a portion of what he wrote:
“It was the day my father
died. It was a bleak cold and blustery day in January. In the small hospital
room I was supporting him in my arms when his eyes suddenly widened with a look
of awe I had never seen before. I was certain that the angel of death had
entered the room. Then my father slumped
back and I lowered his head gently onto to the pillow. I closed his eyes and
told my mother who was seated by the bedside praying. It’s all over mother.
Father is dead. My mother said, ‘Oh he was proud of you. He loved you.’ Somehow
I knew from my own reaction that these words were saying something important to
me. They were like a sudden shaft of light. Like a startling thought I have
never before absorbed. Yet there was a definite edge of pain as though I were
going to know my father better in death than I had ever known him in life. …
leaning against the wall in the far corner of the room crying softly …a nurse
came over to me and put a comforting arm around me. I couldn’t talk through my
tears. I have wanted to tell her I’m not crying because my father is dead. I’m
crying because my father never told me that he was proud of me. He never told
me that he loved me. Of course I was expected to know these things. I was
expected to know the great part I played in his life and the great part I
occupied in his heart but he never told me.”
This could well be a fitting
reminder to us fathers, that words are important to our children. Do not allow
the day to come when our children would say
“My father never told me that he was proud of me that he loved me.”
After the responsibilities
are over and the children have grown up and become adults it is said that some
fathers usually stop being expressive of their feelings. They seem embarrassed
and feel awkward exhibiting fatherly love and affection in words. They would
rather keep quiet and simply make the assumption that their children are
expected to know they are loved.
FATHERS
ARE TEACHERS
Ephesians
6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the
training and instruction of the Lord.
Proverbs
1:8 says, “Listen my son to your father’s instructions and do not forget your
mother’s teaching.”
Along with communication is
instruction. Proverbs 1:8 says, “Listen my son to your father’s instructions
and do not forget your mother’s teaching.”
Fathers are teachers.
Children will better remember their parents for their instruction, guidance and
example, than anything else.
A Christian father is one
who loves and fears God. He imparts godly wisdom to his children. The world
today is full of snares for the feet of the young. Young minds cannot yet
discern the hidden dangers or the dreadful end of the path that seems right but leads to destruction. Fathers should
take the lead in bringing their children to the saving grace and knowledge of
our Lord Jesus Christ. The preparation for this divine instruction should start
early in the children’s life.
One of the stories in the
Old Testament which is instructive is the account about Eli the Priest and his
two evil sons. Eli, was presumably a good man, a religious man,
but weak and indecisive as a father. He was diligent in his priestly duties and
responsibilities, and disciplined in his calling as a priest . But he failed to
discipline his two sons. His two sons became evil to the point of blasphemy
that they demanded and appropriated for themselves portions of the sacrifices
brought to the temple, in violation of the religious law. Worst, they
flagrantly committed the sexual sin of fornication right at the very door of
the tabernacle.
We can assume that Eli might
have warned his two sons about their corrupt and shameful practices but it was too
late because they did not heed their father’s correction. The problem was a
long standing one for they were already grown up men, and it is plain that Eli
their father failed to teach and discipline them in the right way early on. Eli
had never disciplined his sons. His sons were bringing a curse upon themselves
because their father failed to discipline them.
Our
text, in the Book of Hebrews 12:9-11 New International Version (NIV),
declares:
“9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers
who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit
to the Father of spirits and live! 10 They disciplined us for a
little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in
order that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems
pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of
righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
Ephesians
6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the
training and instruction of the Lord.
Fathers should take care not
to exasperate or provoke their children to wrath, because this alienates their
minds from them, and renders their instructions and corrections useless, and
puts them upon sinful practices; anger gives satan the opportunity to lead us
to sin against God; and indeed it is difficult in the best of men to be angry
and not sin; see ( Colossians 3:21 ) . Fathers are particularly mentioned, they
being the heads of families, and are apt to be too severe, as mothers too
indulgent.
Fathers are enjoined to
teach their children knowledge of divine things, setting them good examples,
taking care to prevent their falling into bad company, praying with them, and
for them, bringing them into the house of God, under the means of grace, to
attend public worship; all which, under a divine blessing, may be very useful
to them; the example of Abraham is worthy of imitation, ( Genesis 18:19 ) , and
the advice of the wise man deserves attention, ( Proverbs 22:6 ) .
FATHERS
ARE LEADERS AND EXAMPLES
The husband and father is
the head of the family. His wife looks to him for love, faithfulness, help, and
support, in the care, education, and training of their children. A good father
of the family should be controlled by the love and fear of God and guided by
God’s word the Bible in leading his children to live in obedience to God. We
can learn a lesson from the life of Jacob. In Genesis 33:13-14 there was a time
when Jacob undertook a difficult journey with his entire family and as he led
them, he saw how tender and young were
the children, and some of the flocks and herd had their young with them,
so he said, if they are driven too
hard, even for one day all the flocks and herd could die. So he decided to lead
the children and the animals, to follow him at a slower pace that was
comfortable for the children and the livestock, so they would be able to endure
the long journey.
In our life’s journey
fathers stand as strong and protective leaders of their families. Like Jacob a
good father should quietly and faithfully lead on his family, providing comfort
and support to those who walk by his side. Fathers mark out the paths and
boundaries which would guide the steps
of his children. A good father should combine
affection with authority, discipline with kindness, sympathy with firm
restraint. He should teach such noble virtues as integrity, honesty, patience,
courage and diligence, as much as practice these virtues as a worthy example.
Fathers should think about how they are viewed by their children. The eminent
Bible Bible Commentator and Preacher Dr. Charles Swindoll said “Sometimes there is an instruction deeper
than words.” Children will always treasure those fond memories of their fathers
as they reflect on their father’s character.
We are reminded of the
prodigal son in Luke 15. In 17th verse, we are given the picture of
the prodigal son overcame by remorse, and when he came to his senses, he
remembered his father and wanted to return home. He said to himself I will go
back to my father. It was his memory of a loving father that moved this lost
son to go back home to his father. He remembered his father.
Some day we fathers will be
gone and only our memories will be left to our children. The kind of life that
we live will judge us. What a joy it would be for our children to be remembered
as a good, fine Christian father.
Let me close by saying that
a father’s role is not complete until he assumes the spiritual leadership of
his house. Earthly fathers should bow and worship our Heavenly Father, and
commit his family to the care of our Heavenly Father, who is greater than any
earthly father.
Christian writer Hannah
Whitall Smith wrote, “Fathering Means Blessing. Our Lord draws the comparison
between earthly fathers and our Heavenly Father to show us not that He is less
good, tender and willing to bless, but much more. Can we conceive of a good
earthly father giving stone or a serpent to a hungry child instead of bread or
fish? Would not our souls revolt at the thought of such a father who could do such things? But it is not
only that our Heavenly Father is willing to give us good things; He is far more willing. There is no
grudging in His giving. …Those of us who are parents know how eager we are to give
good things to our children… why then should we torment ourselves with anxiety lest
(God) should fail to grant what we need?”
When the cares of the day
are over, it is ideal for the father to gather his family and unite in grateful prayer acknowledging God’s care
during the day. Brought up under the wise and loving guidance of a godly
father, children will have no desire to wander away and seek worldly pleasures or be influenced by ungodly
pursuits. Evil will not attract them. The spirit that prevails in the home will
mold their character. And when they shall leave the home to take their places
in the world, they will have fond memories of a kind, loving, respectable
father, whom they will always remember as a godly man.
